How to Help a 9-Year-Old Make Their Faith Their Own

I once taught a 10-year-old Sunday School student named "Chicken." That was how he introduced himself when he strolled into class ten minutes late soaking wet from walking to church in the rain. His real name was David and he was a hoot, especially as he gasped and groaned hearing Bible stories for the first time. Each Sunday, he came and reveled in the love of others and love of God before slinking to the back of the church where I discovered he often sat by himself.

David came to church, all alone, because he was compelled by his own yearning, curiosity, and desire to know more about God.

It has stuck with me since then what a rare case David's was. Many children in the modern West don't go to church as an expression of their own faith. They go to church because it's what their family does. For these kids, church "just being part of their lives" sometimes makes it hard to grow in and own their faith.

Though this will look different for every family, here are some ideas for helping kids growing up immersed in Christianity to develop their own faith and involvement in Christian community.

1. Give them some autonomy in making faith-related decisions

There are certain elements of family life for Christians that may be non-negotiable. Attending church together on Sundays may be an example for you, especially if your kids are too young to stay home alone anyway. 

But what decisions are negotiable?

Maybe your child could choose whether or not they attend mid-week kid's ministry or summer camp. They might like to help pick out how you spend family devotional time. If they are moving up to a higher level of children's Bible or a full Bible translation, they could help select the one they'd like. 

Giving them a choice in these types of matters gives them practice in a key element of following Jesus: we have loads of choices to make, everyday, about how we'll walk or not walk with him!

2. Encourage them in ways you see them engaging with Jesus

Sometimes kids growing up in Christian families do "Christian" things without even thinking about it. Seize on these opportunities to help them engage with Jesus not just out of a habit, but out of a loving, daily relationship with him.

For example, maybe your child just automatically expects to pray before a meal or going to bed. Maybe they have a tendency to show patience when it would be easy not to. When you notice that in them, encourage them! Remind them of how awesome what they are doing is. Remind them they're talking to the God of the universe, who truly cares and can help them, or displaying the fruit of the Spirit, who works incredibly in our hearts. Remind them that God loves when they engage with him in these ways.

3. Share your own faith as you live it out, not just in pre-planned "spiritual" moments

"Spiritual" activities like family devotional times, reading the Bible or Christian books together, or praying together can all be impactful for a child. But so is just living out your everyday faith and sharing it with them.

Especially as kids begin to evidence an interest in following Jesus themselves, it's helpful for them to see what that looks like. This might be…

• Telling them stories about how God has worked in your heart and life.
• Being honest when you don't know what to do and sharing how you're going to spend time in God's Word, praying, and maybe even asking for wise counsel about it.
• When you find yourself praying in your head "in the moment", telling them that's what you're doing or switch to praying out loud.
• Sharing the songs, verses, notes from the sermon, etc., that God is currently using to work in you.

4. Talk through the motives and reasons behind spiritual activities and decisions

To help kids understand that activities and decisions related to faith aren't just a lifestyle, but are actually part of loving and growing in Christ, you'll need to get to the "why." Share the motives and reasoning behind what you do whenever you can:

• Talk about how God has worked through people in your church, small group, or Bible study when you have a recent example.
• Be honest when you don't feel like doing devotions or attending church and share why you're going to anyway.
• Highlight the "why" when you are in God's Word together, drawing attention to the goodness of God's design for relationships, community, surrendering to him, etc.
• Share about ways you have grown in Christ in regards to these activities, such as how you found reading the Bible boring until ______________.
• If a child is reluctant to participate in a spiritual activity that you have asked them to, listen to their reasoning carefully, ask good questions, and share your reasoning for asking.

5. Invite them to get practice

Just like kids learn to cook by helping out with measuring, chopping, stirring and more, kids will learn to engage with God in their own lives when you let them practice. Invite them to participate and even to take responsibility for elements of their own spiritual lives, by asking things like:

• If they'd like to pray for the meal or read the passage during a devotional time.
• If they want to serve with you, or even by themselves, such as being a greeter at church or by writing encouragement cards or dropping off a meal.
• If they have any ideas for how you could celebrate Easter or of what your next family devotional should be about or of what God might be asking your family to do when a decision needs to be made.
• If there are any resources they'd like for their own devotional time or to read about God more.

Your kids will fumble as they work out how to live out their own faith – we all do! But in seeking to equip them to own their faith, you'll be encouraging them to grow a relationship with God that gets beyond habit down into the heart. 

Looking for a story that will help kids see what living out their faith might look like as a kid? Abigail and the Big Start Over is the first in a series of chapter books with relatable, fun characters seeking to follow Jesus as they live their ordinary lives.