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I’m sure many of you are in a position similar to my family’s. We’re regularly in contact with folks who identify as LGBT+. Not just random people but my daughter’s teacher, her town soccer coach, and her local-branch librarian. These are kind, talented adults tasked in various ways with caring for and leading my daughter.
At home and in church, she hears about the God who made and redeemed us, and who has a plan for our bodies and our relationships. Out in the world, she sees plenty of people she likes and admires who either seem to not know about this God and his plan or just don’t care. So, how can we answer specific questions that bring the message of the Bible and the message of the world into conflict, such as, “Mom, can two daddies get married?”
I found my daughter, like other little kids, really wanted to divide the world into good people and bad people. She sometimes would make statements to the effect that people who went to church must be good people and wondered if people who didn’t go to church were bad
people. We would assure her that according to God’s word we’re all born sinners and rebels, which means we’re all born bad people. And that God’s word also affirms that God himself created us, and died and rose again to save us! Which means we are all very loved and able to be rescued. The question to ask about each person is not “Is this a good person or a bad person?” but “Have they heard about the good King and Savior, Jesus?” And “Have they said, ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to his offer of rescue and kingship?”
By offering her this category of kingship, we were giving her a way to understand why some people followed Jesus and obeyed him, and others did not. If we say “Yes” to Jesus, then we say “Yes” to his plans for our bodies, for our money, for our time, for everything. But if someone has not said “Yes” to Jesus, it makes sense that they won’t obey his plans for their bodies, their money, or their time. This is not a safe place for anyone to be because only in Jesus are we saved from our sin and the judgement that God will bring. But it does help us recognize why there are people—even nice, friendly people—who live so differently than Christians try to live.
So, with a show like She-Ra, if I choose to watch it with my child and she wants to understand why there are same-sex romantic relationships in that world, we could observe that God doesn’t exist in that fictional world, so lots of things are different. And what is more, the people who made the show probably don’t follow Jesus, so it makes sense that they will create characters who don’t act in the way Jesus says is best.
When it came to her kindergarten teacher, I expressed to my daughter that I didn’t think her teacher followed Jesus and so it wasn’t a surprise if important parts of her life didn’t match his commands. Or if your child asks you, “Can two daddies get married?” you could reply with something like “Jesus tells his people that marriage is only for a man and woman, which means it’s not right for his followers to try to make marriage something else.
If your child is ready for a bit more or is a bit older, you could observe with them that not all of your country’s laws match God’s laws, and that no one in your country is forced to follow Jesus, so sometimes it is legal to do something, even if God’s people shouldn’t do it. This can be tricky, but you’d be surprised how much your kids can understand. Following Jesus or not makes a real difference in how we live, and it’s helpful for our children to see various ways in which this plays out.
It’s not only with regards to sexuality, of course. We may need to repent when the ways in which we spend our money or time look more like the ways of the world than Jesus’ vision for how we use money and time. But we of all people know that confession and repentance aren’t death but life. And this brings up the other category we can use with our little kids: the Holy Spirit. The Bible teaches us that it is only by the power of God the Holy Spirit that we are born again, united to Christ, and enabled from the inside out to truly obey God from our hearts.
Even when we have Jesus as our King, we still struggle with feelings and desires that are not according to his plan. But he gives us his Holy Spirit so that we can have the power to repent and to grow in our obedience. The Christian life is learning how to rely not on ourselves but on the Spirit.
It is essential to share with our kids, both in general and for LGBT+ questions. Why? Because along with kingship, it helps us see that we’re not in and of ourselves different from people who don’t follow Jesus. We’re all born rebels with desires and temptations that are sinful and fallen. The difference for Christians is that we have a new King and a new power: the Holy Spirit.
Someone who doesn’t have Jesus as King won’t have a reason to follow him nor the ability to do so from the heart. Encouraging our kids to see others in this way means we don’t shame people, but we do recognize their great need because it’s a need we share: to be saved from our sin.
This is an adapted excerpt from Parenting without Panic in an LGBT-Affirming World: Discipling Our Kids with Jesus' Truth and Love by Rachel Gilson. This book helps parents to teach young children what the Bible says about sexuality proactively and positively in a culture with contrasting ideas and values.
Rachel serves on the leadership team of Theological Development and Culture with Cru. Her writing has appeared in Christianity Today, Desiring God and The Gospel Coalition, and she regularly speaks at churches and on college campuses. Rachel holds a Master of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and is currently pursuing a PhD in public theology at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. She lives in the Boston area with her husband and daughter.
