Few debates have become more heated in the last 50 years. The Bible's teaching on homosexuality is profoundly counter-cultural and hugely unpopular. But amid the debates are real people. People who are struggling. People who want to be more like Jesus. Today on the blog one person, who wishes to remain anonymous, asks a very personal question to each of us: would it be safe for them to tell us that they're bi-sexual?
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I am a Christian. An evangelical. And committed to pursuing a biblical lifestyle.
I am sexually attracted to both men and women - what some might call bi-sexual. And have been for as long as I can remember.
You don't need to outline the debates on homosexuality and the church - I've been following them all with avid interest for years. You don't need to show me the Bible verses again, I know them better than almost any other in the Scriptures. You don't need to convince me of the need for purity in the face of my battles... But it would be good if you could care for me. Gently support me. Dare I even say love me as I step out of my comfort zone and confide in you. The trouble is, as I've listened to you debate and teach and casually chat about the issues at hand, I've started to wonder if it's safe to talk to you at all. I'm wondering this:
1. Are you willing to listen without judging me?
I don't want to defend my feelings, I want to share them with you and work on them. But I'm scared you'll think me the lowest of the low. The vehemence with which you denounce the behaviour I am inclined to enjoy scares me. I need to know that you're happy to stand alongside me as a brother or sister not look down on me from some fictional moral high-ground.
2. Are you willing to pastor me without assuming I'll fall for you?
Yes, I know it's more complicated. Often in churches men can pastor men and women can pastor women without any thoughts of sexual impropriety creeping in. But life is complicated sometimes. There's no getting away from it. And the chances of me falling for you are actually pretty remote. I'm your sibling in Christ wanting to be more like Jesus. That's what's at the fore-front of my mind.
3. Are you willing to avoid the jokes and jibes?
I'm not deaf. I've heard you mock bi-sexual people. And while I know you wouldn't have made those jokes if you'd known about my struggles, it's an inescapable fact that the words did come out of your mouth. I'm not indecisive. Nor am I hedging my bets. Nor am I just waiting for the right person to come along and change me. You wouldn't treat other pastoral struggles that way, why mine?
4. Are you willing to take other sin as seriously as my sin?
When I stumble and fall into an impure lifestyle I don't expect you to ignore my rebellion or excuse it. I want you to help me change. But it's hard to see you being so strict with those who struggle with homosexual thoughts and so lax with those in the congregation who are using porn or gossipping maliciously. It's hard when you set yourself up as someone who wants others to change but are content to stay the same yourself.
5. Are you willing to welcome my gay friends in church?
There are so many people I'd love to hear the gospel. But they're out. And they're obvious. And I'm scared that they may not find a warm welcome in the congregation. You've no idea how just one condemning look can hurt. Would you greet them with humble kindness and an open home?
6. Are you willing to be my friend?
I don't want to be a pastoral project. I'm a human being. And I need a friend. Someone I can laugh with, cry with, read the BIble with, pray with, eat with, go to the theatre with, be accountable to, relax with. Can that be you? Really, I mean it - CAN that be you? Or shall I just keep quiet, protect you from what lies in my heart and talk to God alone as I struggle to live for him?
Alice