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Although statistically miscarriage is extremely common, the actual experience can be intensely lonely—not to mention deeply spiritually challenging. So when a family in your community experiences pregnancy loss, you and your church have a powerful opportunity to minister to and care for them.
A great way to communicate much more than simply an expression of sympathy is a “miscarriage care package.” It enables you to validate the grief and the life of their child, practically serve and meet the physical needs of this family, help them apply the good news of the gospel and the truth of God’s word to their hardship, and comfort them.
Here are a few ideas of what to include in a care package for families grieving the loss of an unborn child.
Here are a few ideas of what to include in a care package for families grieving the loss of an unborn child.
“Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)
In the days that follow pregnancy loss, a woman’s mind is likely tired from processing and her body is likely weak from blood loss or recovering from an operation. Mine certainly was. A family may have also incurred the financial cost of procedures or extra ultrasounds. The church can serve them by considering and meeting some of these physical and emotional needs:
Offer Food: Consider including gift cards for take-out from local restaurants or the ingredients for an easy meal (pasta and pasta sauce). Including fruit or easy breakfast items like baked goods or coffee might also help alleviate decision making in the fog of mourning.
Offer Childcare: If the family has living children, it may feel difficult for them to provide constant care as they are grieving. Providing money for a babysitter or offering to take care of their kids for a while is a sweet way to serve, providing time for parents to rest or grieve. You could also consider including a written offer to set up a meal delivery rotation for the family or to coordinate child care from willing members.
“Weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)
In a culture that denies the personhood of the unborn, couples walking through pregnancy loss may feel shame over the magnitude of their grief. It is a powerful ministry to hear that their child was a person with dignity and value, that death is always worth weeping over, and that the church is weeping with them.
For this reason, I recommend including some sort of token validating the life of their child. Perhaps this could be a piece of commemorative jewelry (like this necklace from Dear Mushka), or a small hand-lettered print of Psalm 139:13. Attached to whatever item you choose, consider including a note with a few words that validate their grief and acknowledge the personhood of their unborn baby.
“For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:16-18
The truth of God’s word and the good news of the gospel are the most important thing we can ever offer, and they are profoundly comforting in the wake of this particular tragedy. The church wouldn’t be the church if it didn’t proclaim that message to its members when they suffer. That said, in the midst of grief it is the ministries of listening, service, and presence that sometimes feel more appropriate than the delivery of a sermon (and that are often most easily overlooked). Words of encouragement come best when they are wrapped in listening well and in serving thoughtfully.
To extend comfort from God’s Word—to offer in both content and tone what looking back I needed to receive when I suffered a miscarriage—I wrote the book “Held: 31 Biblical Reflections on God’s Comfort and Care in the Sorrow of Miscarriage”, which could be included in your care package. It is one way of helping bereaved mothers cling to the character and word of God as they process their grief and wrestle with the hard questions and temptations that accompany this type of loss.
It may also be wise to remember the father of the unborn child, who is also in need of care and support, by including a book or resource for him, like Ours: Biblical Comfort for Men Grieving Miscarriage by Eric Schumacher.
31 biblical reflections for women on God's comfort and care in the sorrow of miscarriage.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)
Pregnancy loss can feel like a particularly lonely grief because of the hidden nature of what is lost: an unseen child, an imagined future… there’s nothing to hold on to beyond perhaps a grainy ultrasound photo.
A tangible expression of comfort can be a real gift. Perhaps your care package could include flowers, a mug with some relaxing tea, a bath set, or maybe a candle. Items of beauty that can be savored or experienced through sight, smell, and touch are a sweet ministry to longing senses and the feeling of emptiness that follows the loss of life in the womb.
“Love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God…” – 1 Peter 1:22-23
Ultimately, each of these items are simply stuff, but the most special thing about this care package is the love and care that it symbolizes from the community of this grieving family. A personal note can detail the items in the care package and provide some explanation, but most importantly it should communicate that the church loves, is praying for, is grieving with, and is available to this family (whether what they need is acts of service, or pastoral counseling, or something else).
You may also consider including a word about their coming back to church, encouraging them that their tears and their wrestling are both welcome within your community. If possible, it may also be a kindness to provide a list of or a letter from women in the church who have faced pregnancy loss and who are willing to talk with or come alongside this couple as they grieve and navigate the coming weeks and months.
For printable cards, visit the “extras” section on this page.
When a family in your community experiences pregnancy loss, you and your church have a powerful opportunity to minister to and care for them. Here are 5 ideas for care packages.
One final word: I’m especially encouraged by the thought of pastors and women’s ministry leaders reading this article because it means that you are thinking through how to love your people well. It blesses my heart to imagine churches preparing packages of this kind to care for grieving members. What a powerful ministry opportunity. Thank you for caring for these hurting families.
Abbey Wedgeworth is a wife, mother, and writer. The author of Held and the Training Young Hearts series, she is passionate about discipleship and Bible literacy, and loves to see the way that the gospel transforms how people think and live. Abbey lives on the South Carolina coast with her husband, David, and their three children.
