Now the dust is beginning to settle from the Supreme Court’s ruling in favor of gay marriage, it’s time for Christians in the US to think through how to act in light of it. Before too long, you could be invited to the wedding of a gay friend or family member. How will you respond? It’s a dilemma that Christians here in the UK are already grappling with.
So... should I attend a gay wedding?
Over the last few years I've been asked this question by several friends, and for each of them it has been a heart wrenching decision. As a simple proposition, the answer for Bible-believing Christians seems obvious: "No!"
But the problem is that a wedding invitation is never an abstract offer—it always comes from someone who is a close family member, friend or neighbor. And they will often be from people who know, or are aware of the fact that you have strong feelings about the subject. It is a recipe for relational disaster, damage and misunderstanding.
In the newly revised edition of our bestselling book Is God Anti-Gay? author Sam Allberry tackles this difficult conundrum head on. He says:
We are meant, like Christ, to be a “friend of sinners,” and should therefore strive to be the sort of friend someone would want to invite to their wedding. Figuring out what to do with such an invitation is therefore a good problem to have! There are two very important aspects of our relationship with such friends that we must do all we can to preserve: our witness and our friendship.
First, we want to be careful as Christians not to appear to endorse something we understand to be a sin in God’s eyes. Attending a gay wedding could easily look as if we are commending and celebrating gay marriage. It would be difficult to see how believers could attend without sending that kind of message. I know of some Christians who have attended simply to be a godly presence in an otherwise non-Christian environment, and who felt that their position on gay marriage had already been made sufficiently clear so as to avoid the risk of their attendance being misunderstood. But for many other Christians, it will not be possible to attend in good conscience...
This wise advice certainly chimes with the conversations I have had with my friends. Although it has been painful for them, they have seen that it would give all the wrong messages for them to be at the wedding. But along with a polite refusal, they have tried to keep the friendship alive by being enthusiastic about welcoming their gay friends. "I'm sorry, we can't be at the wedding, but we'd love to treat you both to dinner at..."
We'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas for ways to handle such an invitation in a truly Christ-like way that preserves both our witness and our friendship.
The revised edition of Is God Anti-Gay? is available now in the US.