How to share gospel hope in times of grief

I remember vividly being at the funeral of an uncle, who—to my knowledge—was not a believer. As a Christian, I was reconciled to a grim event that would leave me feeling lousy. The pastor on duty, however, wildly surpassed my expectations. With gentleness and respect, he clearly and firmly preached the gospel to those present, and I left the crematorium feeling glad to have been part of it. My mostly non-believing family had heard good news of hope. But there was no doubt about it: it was a time of deep mourning.

What a contrast with the recent service of thanksgiving for our colleague Nigel Sewell. The church was full. The hymns were sung robustly. The atmosphere of grieving was infused with a sense of the certain hope we have that Nigel is now safe with his Savior. The gospel was preached as comfort for those who shared Nigel’s trust in Jesus, and as challenge to those who did not. There were genuine tears, yes. But there was also genuine joy as, at Nigel’s request, we ate his favorite pudding: crumble and custard.

Case studies: opportunity vs sensitivity

I spoke to several ministers to get a sense of where the gospel opportunities lie at funerals.

One pastor emphasized the need to preach boldly but gently at funerals. “If I am taking the funeral of a Christian, I ask the congregation: ‘If they could talk to you now, what would they want you to know?’” This pastor has a standard gospel talk for funerals based on Psalm 23: The Lord is my shepherd—the five most important words in the English language. But he warns: "People are grieving … they just don’t want or need an 'in your face' gospel message. Instead let them see how Christians have hope in the middle of sadness. I then offer them booklets."

The emotional intensity and organizational burden of arranging a funeral can complicate things. One rural minister commented: "You only get contact with the family two weeks before. It’s a very complicated time for them. They have lots to do, so seeing the minister is just one thing. I don’t think the close family is capable of taking on anything you can say to them at the time. I think you get more opportunities afterwards. We often pick up people into church if you do it well—by visiting afterwards. Older people come to our lunchclub, which brings them under the sound of the gospel. I think there are more opportunities after the event."

But the funeral itself is still important. "You get between 30 and 300 people who are all looking death in the face. Some of them are in denial–wanting to read that awful Henry Scott Holland poem: Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away to the next room. I want to say to people: ‘Look, this is awful—we are giving thanks for a life, but the more thankful we are the more painful it is. It feels wrong – and the Bible says it’s wrong – but it needn’t be like that.’ I preach the hope of the gospel in the face of death."

Getting practical: ideas for reaching out at funerals

• Plan to follow up after the funeral. Emotions are raw before and during a funeral. Think about how to effectively “connect the dots” so that people are introduced to the ministries that can help them. Inviting grieving widows or widowers to church groups where they can find friendship and support may be especially important and helpful.
• Put a gospel booklet in the seats for people to read. Make the point that we all need hope in life and death—encourage everyone present to take it and read.
• Mark the anniversary in some way. People who have been bereaved often feel grief keenly on anniversaries and on the birthday of a loved one. One minister I knew sent flowers to a widow on each succeeding anniversary of her husband’s death. The widow became a Christian in later years, partly as a result of the love and consideration shown to her by the pastor.
• Hold a memorial service. Some churches hold a memorial service annually and invite all the families who have had a funeral at the church in recent years to attend. The names of the deceased are read out and given thanks for, and a gospel message is preached. This is a great opportunity to make contact with families, see how they’re doing, and show them some pastoral love and care.

What have you found works best for funeral outreach? Share your stories, thoughts and ideas below to encourage and equip others for this ministry.

Hope to carry on a short evangelistic booklet by Pete Jackson that might be given to guests at a funeral. It is part of a series of booklets to use at thanksgivings, weddings and funerals. Give us a call on 866 244 2165 and we will send sample copies to you.

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